Introducing "Lighthearted"...finally!

Image courtesy of Kokka Fabric

Warning: This is a ridiculously lengthy post, so I suggest you just skim through the photos!

Thinking lightheartedly has always been a challenge throughout my life. I worry about everything like crazy. Whenever I take on a new endeavor, I can't help myself thinking about the worst possible case scenario and get cold feet eventually. This new journey was no exception... the journey to design fabric!

Image courtesy of Kokka Fabric

This line is called "Lighthearted"" by Kokka, a Japanese fabric manufacturer. When this amazing opportunity to design fabric came to me in fall 2013, I was so excited. I have always loved fabric, especially retro inspired, quirky, small prints - all sorts of fabrics I used for my projects in my book, Patchwork Please!. I thought this would give me a perfect opportunity to bring some fabric I-wish-existed to the real world!

Image courtesy of Kokka Fabric

I was really enjoying designing it in the beginning but spent just way too much time looking at my designs, editing, twisting, changing colors, etc to the point I started having second thoughts. 'Is this line really cute? Is this something people will want to play with? ....I thought so, but I am not sure anymore!!!'

After mulling it over, I felt I was in middle of nowhere and really didn't know where I was going. I felt ridiculous that I thought I had what it takes to be a fabric designer. After all I didn't know anything about designs/colors. I didn't know how difficult the whole process of designing fabric could be. Everything was so new to me. I was in the world I had absolutely no clue about.

Loving pretty fabric didn't necessarily mean I could create pretty fabric, which is the conclusion (at least I thought, at the time) I came to when it was too late. Also, I was scared of the thought about promoting my fabric. Promoting myself is the last thing I feel comfortable about doing in general. And I was afraid I would neglect my family by getting into it deeply.

Image courtesy of Kokka Fabric

My name was going to be on the selvage of this fabric line but I asked for a big favor to remove it. I got too intimidated and it helped me to think it was over. Yes it was very selfish of me and I felt extremely guilty about this. I shut down and needed a long break from social media. I was scared of people judging me who was still struggling to find the balance in life with a baby, have made very few things lately, and thought I had what it takes to call myself a fabric designer.  I didn't want people to think of me. I had to turn down many great offers/opportunities during the hard time.

Now I think about it..., it was solely myself who was the most critical of myself.

A few friends of mine and family I've shared my fabric with said great things about it, but because they are just being kind, I thought. Then I started seeing my fabric popping up on blogs, Instagram, and popular fabric shops. One of Lighthearted fabric, the mustard text print, was actually Kokka's best selling fabric last month! There were some people who bought it!? And believe it or not, they are the people I've admired for years!! Seriously? Reading through comments on IG about my fabric just made me cry so much. OK, so I guess this is fabric some people love and want to play with.

It made me feel so good and gave me enough courage to finally reveal that this fabric was truly designed by me. I've read lots of inspirational articles and self-help books ("Self-Compassion" by Kristin Neff is so inspirational) to deal with the difficult time, but what helped me most effectively and quickly was knowing that the sewing community does support my fabric much more than I had expected. That's just amazing finding. My fabric doesn't suck. It will be used in people's creations which will be loved by someone's hands for possibly decades. Sure the market is filled with beautiful fabric already and Lighthearted may not be everyone's favorite, but you can say that about anything, right? It's time I stopped beating myself up. Maybe it's time I admit I do like my fabric and say I am proud of it. *sobbing*

I even started making some paperbag blocks to put together a quilt. Maybe I can even make it into a pattern. Would anyone like to make some paperbag blocks?

Anyway I am very thankful of folks at Kokka for flying over to visit with me so many times and having a lot of patience to deal with this very difficult person during that time. Thank you for creating amazing things with my fabric for the quilt market! Thank you Alyce of Blossom Heart Quilts for making the beautiful quilt for it! I am very thankful of the chief editor of Patchwork Tsushin magazine who first encouraged me to get into fabric designing. And I am extremely thankful of all my friends and family who have supported me throughout. This community of my sewing friends is very good and important to me. I should never try to hide under a rock again. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all of you who have been supportive and encouraging.

If you are interested in playing with Lighthearted fabric (Yay!), here is a list of shops that carry Lighthearted as far as I know.

USA
Kiwi Fabric
Pink Castle Fabrics 
Sunny Day Fabric 
Westwood Acres
Stash Fabrics
Momen Plus (In store)
Cool Cottons
superbuzzy
Modern Quilter
Fabricworm

Australia
Amitie Textiles (In store)
Polka Dots Tea Fabrics 
Patchwork on Pittwater (Coming soon)

UK
The Village Haberdashery
The Eternal Maker (Coming soon)


Japan
Miss Matatabi 
My shop

If you know of other shops that carry Lighthearted, I'd love it you could let me know so I can update the list! If you are a shop owner and would like to have Lighthearted, here is a list of Kokka's international distributors.

Thank you so much for reading through such a lengthy post! *Big hug*